Kelli Green Lassman
“ANGEL WING”
Is it worth it? The sun-kissed skin, the golden rays, laying out at the pool feeling your skin bake in the “unforgiving” sun. The “unforgiving sun”, these are the KEY words.
For years it was a sport, summer is the tanning seasoning, the “how dark can I get time”. My extremely Irish/German genes did not allow me to walk outside and become instantly golden. I had to work at it, several layers of burning, peeling then repeat then the tanning could begin. Since I grew up at a lake in the 70’s and 80’s, I had it all; silver reflective mat, iodine in the baby oil, but Sunscreen? Heck no…“Sun-Fry Oil”!
There was one mole that I had my entire life, it was on my back and I couldn’t see it. It didn’t bother me, we just coexisted. My mother, during one of our famous shopping sprees, said “Kelli, you really need to have that looked at.” Fast-forward a few years, my mom again: “Kelli, GET THAT MOLE CHECKED!” So I promised her I would. My doctor said its nothing but glad we are removing. Results would be back in a week. Results came back positive for melanoma! I was instructed to see a plastic surgeon to have the cancer removed and I did as I was told. I remember meeting my plastic surgeon, he walked in the room, he was a very tall, nice looking man. Holding my pathology reports he said “well young lady, your tanning days are over!” I remember I said, “I don’t think I like you very much, you just basically told an Olympic skier they can never ski again.” Tanning was a competition; it wasn’t something you just kind of did, it was the only thing you did over the summer – the only reason you go to the pool!
Surgery went well, no lymph nodes and no need to see an oncologist. With the exception of avoiding the pool (no reason to go to the pool), and losing my mother to pancreatic cancer, things were pretty good. In fact, so good I became semi-lax and found an old friend…the sun. However, not to the same degree. I was not burning but I was definitely much tanner than a melanoma survivor should be. I started feeling like I had a bug bite, it itched, it hurt, and I couldn’t reach it. I would use the corner of the wall to satisfy the itch that would send sharp, painful senses through my back. I vividly remember being alone one night, the kids at their father’s house, and I was telling my friend that I was in so much pain and I was worried something was seriously wrong. I was crying and we decided that I would show my nurse at the school I worked at in the morning and go from there.
So the next morning I did just that, her statement was “I don’t know, it looks dry and has some pus in it maybe you should call your dermatologist.” So I did, and since I am a prior Melanoma patient and had the pain with a spot with pus they got me right in. My doctor explained to me how this spot was right on the incision line of my original cancer surgery and over time you can get incision cysts from the healing process. It’s very common, no big deal, but she will remove it. Then they will send it off as they always do and everything will be fine.
One week later, I am in the office for an awfully long time before the doctor finally came in. She couldn’t even look me in the eye and she was rambling “well I have been on the phone with the lab, and they, well they….it’s cancer…it’s Melanoma!” She looked me straight in the eye when stating that. I do not remember what else she said until she said, “you need to see an ONCOLOGIST.” My first two thoughts; my mom helped me the first time and she’s not here, who’s going to help me and what is going to happen to my son if something happens to me?
Hearing those words, “go see an Oncologist,” after losing both my mother and father to cancer, I just burst into tears and could not stop crying. She said it was a cyst, it was going to be fine. In my mind, I’m asking myself, how can this be happening?
What happened next is a little sketchy, my plastic surgeon was not available for quite some time, so we all agreed to have the general surgeon that did the original lymph node removal do the surgery. It happened on November 1st and over that weekend I developed an infection under my arm where they removed several lymph nodes during the surgery. I met with an oncologist that felt my case was just unique enough that more parameters should be met with more surgery. So I went back to my plastic surgeon with this information and he agreed because it was a recurrent stage 2 Melanoma in the same area it was highly unique. So my plastic surgeon proposed taking out quite a large portion to meet margins and parameters to make sure all the surrounding tissue and any additional cancer would be gone. He would then do a skin graft from my right leg to use on my back to cover the large area of skin removed. It would take several weeks to heal and I would have staples on my back, as well as the skin graft wound on the back of my leg. So on December 6th, I went in for this surgery. I am not going to lie, it was extremely painful. I have a whole new respect for burn victims. I couldn’t do anything for myself. I was a single parent, my kids when they were not with their biological father, they would be taking care of me and themselves.
Finally the day came to take off the bandage on my back and look at the progress for the skin graft. As the staples came out and the bandages came off I felt this sense of still air come through, and I heard my doctor say “what, no!” He said, “Kelli, I don’t know if this is a viable graft; it looks like it might be dead!” He made the decision to re-bandage the site and give it a few more days. Well, it did not survive; he did not understand why as it should have taken.
While all this was going on, I was getting ready to start treatment, one of the few at the time, that would not cure or take away the Melanoma, but give it a slower return rate. The treatment was extremely harsh, 30 days, Monday through Friday, everyday of IV Interferon into my body. This two hours after being infused gave me flu like symptoms times ten, so I was unable to drive and unable to take care of myself. I put in for FMLA for my job and basically just kind of went into a semi coma like state. It was brutal and I don’t remember a lot about that time except a lot of pain, feeling like crud, sleeping a lot and feeling helpless having to ask people for help all the time. I made it through the 30 day treatment portion, but this was only the first part of the treatment. The second part was at home, getting injections 3 times a week for nearly 7 months. My wound still had not closed up. I had a 16 x 14 X 3 deep hole in my back and it was coming up on the end of April and no one could explain why it would not close. I ended up in the ER, I could not raise my arm and I was in so much pain. I could not walk a straight line and was having a difficult time processing information. I went to the hospital and they ran a lot of tests. I said I did not feel comfortable being at home without another adult but they said there was not a reason to keep me so they sent me home. I spent two days in a zombie like stage, sleeping and in so much pain I could not stay focused. On the morning of the second day I asked my children’s father to please take me back to the hospital as something was terribly wrong. After getting checked in the same doctors in the ER said; “Kelli, we are glad you are back, we took a Bio from under your arm two nights ago and it came back raging with MRSA.” Remember that infection I had in between the two surgeries and I had to go in to see the doctor? Well she did a bedside drain and they believe it was then, November 6th, that I was introduced to MRSA. So I had this infection the entire time and that is why the skin graft failed and why my wound would not close and why I felt like extra crap. I went in for surgery to remove the MRSA, spent a week in the hospital on some extremely extensive medications, not to mention years of precautions afterward.
Once I came home from the hospital I was given a home health care nurse and a wound vac to help with the closure of my wound. Once the MRSA was gone, it was amazing how quickly the wound healed! The entire process took well over a year, a lot of pain, a lot of patience, and I do not even know how much money.
Today, my wound is completely healed; to me it looks like a leaf or even an “ANGEL WING”. I would like to think its my wing of honor! I have earned that scar inside and out, but was it worth it?
No – not to be tan! But for me to help someone else by getting my story out – YES!!
Several things I have learned:
• Don’t accept it’s nothing! Keep Digging
• It’s probably normal. What is normal?
• Get several opinions
• It’s just a sunburn, (burning the cells and tissue of your skin)
• Life is too precious; life is too short!
• I now have my Angel Wing, while still here to tell my story!
Thank you for listening to my story.
Kelli Green Lassman
